Can I appeal an adoption?

[ot2000dmm]

I am a new foster parent and have been told there is a law that says if you have a child in your care for at least 6 months you may have preference to adopt that child vs placing them with a relative or someone else. This is based on the fact that you have bonded with the child. I currently am fostering an infant who will be going up for adoption in the near future. Currently the plan is to place him with a non relative who has adopted his sibling. They are out of state and will take him as a foster child and subsequently adopt him. Does anyone know anything about this new law. Is it possible for me to appeal this decision? Any information will be helpful. Thank you in advance.

[flcwcm]

Hello, I read your post and I know that you are emotionally attached to the child but remember that we need to do what is in the best interest of the child. One thing to remember is that the only person a child ever bonds with is their mother. The child can form attachments with many people but you can never bond with the child. Being that the infant is so young this is probably the best time for them to move. As much as I am sure it hurts you to think that you will not be able to be the child's parent it is so so so so so important for the child to be with their sibling. The sibling is the longest lasting relationship that a person can have and if they cannot be with their parents then the next best thing would at least to be able to grow up with their sibling. I know that this is probably not what you were hoping to hear but remember you started fostering to help children. Fostering is about the children and putting your needs second to theirs. I don't know what state you are in and what the laws are but I know that caseworkers will always look to place with family first whether that be with a grandparent, aunt, uncle or sibling so that they can maintain some of their birth family connections. It is healthier for the child and one day, given the opportunity I am sure that this child would thank you for letting them grow up with their sibling.

[adnurse]

Do a search for Public Law 105-89. That is the federal act of the Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997. I do not find anywhere that there should be given preference to placing with a minor sibling. It says reunification should be goal one but that if not placement hould be found. The law calls for placing a child as soon as it is found they will not be able to go home and when the time frames have been met in a safe home keeping the child's best interests in mind. You have the right to be at all hearings related to the child and should go before the judge to let them know your stance. The managing agency is to have been informing you all along on their concurrent plans. Also do a search for your state's adoption laws.

Why did they not place the child with the sibling in the first place if that is what they want now? I disagree that a foster or adoptive parent can't bond with a child that is not biologically their's. Look up the definition of bond and it says nothing of biological ties. I found this excerpt at http://content.cdlib.org/view?docId=ft8g5008jr&chunk.id=d0e404 and thought if is very fitting for your desire to adopt the child you have had all along.
Preferred Citation: Modell, Judith S. Kinship with Strangers: Adoption and Interpretations of Kinship in American Culture. Berkeley: University of California Press, c1994 1994. http://ark.cdlib.org/ark:/13030/ft8g5008jr/

Washington State judge transferred parenthood in an adoption, stating: "Mother love does not depend upon the pains and perils of childbirth. It is not every child that is welcome. On the other hand, there is an affection that grows from care and association and the tender ministrations which are prompted by a heartfelt sympathy for the weak and the helpless. These beget a love as real as the love of a mother, and more, for the one who voluntarily assumes such a privilege must have far deeper maternal instincts than one who is an unwilling mother." This 1915 order of adoption is a classic statement of the premises for transferring parenthood. It included a further significant standard: "a good home, good clothing and good food" (in re Potter, 85 Wash. 617).[24 (http://www.escholarship.org/editions/view?docId=ft8g5008jr&chunk.id=nsd0e404&toc.id=endnotes&toc.depth=1&brand=eschol&anchor.id=d0e656#X)] Mother love evinced in tender care and gentle ministrations, and also the wherewithal to raise the child to adulthood, qualified a person to be parent. Lacking any evidence of conduct, then, a judge might consider good environment the basis for a placement.

Good luck to you!

[flcwcm]

I am sure you could find all kinds of information both ways about bonding and attachment but the bottom line is that the child should grow up with their sibling. I completely understand why you would want to adopt the child. But how could you not want the child to be with their sibling? You have to be unselfish as a foster parent and think about the best interest of the child. I understand that you would provide this child with a wonderful home and give them lots of love but truthfully, so could another family. The child deserves to be given a chance to love their sibling. Can you imagine if you grew up and then found out that not only do you have a sibling but that you could have grown up with them but were denied a chance because the foster parent felt that they had "bonded" to you? Think about that. And stop thinking about what you want. I know it sounds harsh but it's not about you. It's about the child.

[loverofpeace]

Unfortunately as foster parents we really do not have any rights. I can truly relate to you with regards to bonding. We have been blessed to have two angels placed in our lives who we brought home from the hospital. We have had them now for 19 months. In reality, BM never bonded with them and will never do so. They also have a sibling in foster care and we make every effort to keep them in contact with one another.

In your case, I ask the same question. Why didn't the family that adopted the sibling take this child in the beginning? It is so sad what these children have to go through. Bad enough life itself is tough, but to have to go from one home to another is so traumatic and stressful for a child.