Frustration/Help with understanding

[trstbmbk]

I need to know what is expected of foster parents (in Minnesota especially). Is it up to the foster parent to drive the kids to and from all of the appointments, even if it is 5 days a week? Is it up to the foster parents to have face to face contact with the birth parents on a regular basis with no social worker or mediator in sight?

I signed up with an agency 2 years ago and my worker found kids for us. We were only looking for adoption, not foster. We didn't want to be foster parents because of the coming and going...we realized it would be too hard. But, because the social workers and guardian ad litem all said it was 99% positive the TPR would go through on 3 children, we jumped at the chance for getting them. Now, after a year, we are back to the very beginning. The TPR went through, the mother appealed, the mother won her appeal, the county and GAL filed an appeal with the supreme court, the supreme court denied the appeal. So, we are back to square one.

I am very angry and bitter towards everyone in this case-the social workers, the judges, the GAL, the parents, the grandparents. Everyone except the kids of course.

I made a few reasonable requests to the county-no more face to face contact with BM, I will not miss work because of her visits or anything to do with this case, etc. Nothing too demanding or difficult. But, none of my requests are going to be met, I can see, and we cannot decide if we want to go through this for another year (or more) or just cut ties right now.

We desperately want to adopt these kids, but they are going to have severe emotional problems when they get to start seeing their BM again. Do we really want to handle that just to have them taken from us in the end?

Does anyone have a crystal ball to tell me how this is going to come out in the end and how long it is going to take to end?

Thanks for letting me vent.

[clbynum]

Wow, you said a mouth full.

Your frustration has been felt by many I am sure. I recently had a placement, actually our first. A 3 year old girl who was with us through her birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We were looking to adopt however her mother was severely disturbed and while I adored our resource coordinators they often asked me to do things with the BM for the child that I was uncomfortable with. With being so new to fostering I obliged all the time, often missing work and driving all over the city.

I felt taken advantage of by everyone, except the child. Unfortunately the straw that broke the camels back was her mother reporting us as abusing and under feeding the child. At that point I put in my notice, we have other children in the home and it was beyond stressful.

I took a long break but my heart so cries out for the children so we have re-opened our home, with stipulations. I am not as quick to jump at each placement, and I am careful to let everyone involved know what my family is willing to do.

I would say, don't be afraid to let them know that you are not comfortable with one on one alone contact with the BM. Remember if these were your children you are going to have to fight a lot harder in the coming years for them. This is just a jump start.

[fullhouse]

As far as all the running around goes, We have 8 kids, three of them are foster- with that comes a lot of running. I think that is just being a parent. I know when I get frustrated with it, I just remember all the good I am doing for the kids. I live in Minnesota, and my county has the best social workers I have ever seen. They are always there for us, and the kids. They do ask us to do stuff that sometimes may be above and beyond the call of duty, but I think it all goes with the job. They are also very respectful when I feel there is something I don;t feel comfortable with. One thing with fostering, there is a lot unexpected that comes up - and I honestly believe that most of the social workers are just as left in the dark as we are. They don't know how the case is going to go, and therefore can not tell us that it will be hard. Dealing with the Bparents is not always, but I believe it is neccesary. Look at it this way, if you do get to adopt these kids, you will better understand where they are coming from having dealt with mom-Also remember that the courts need to go through all options so the BP can;t say the courts didn;t try reunification. I know that is not always easy, I have been there many times. Don't give up on the kids or the system. Listen to the song "The Dance" by Garth Brooks and think of fostering. All the times with BM and all the running are worth it, when you think of the great dance you are getting in return. Good Luck and hang in there.



I need to know what is expected of foster parents (in Minnesota especially). Is it up to the foster parent to drive the kids to and from all of the appointments, even if it is 5 days a week? Is it up to the foster parents to have face to face contact with the birth parents on a regular basis with no social worker or mediator in sight?

I signed up with an agency 2 years ago and my worker found kids for us. We were only looking for adoption, not foster. We didn't want to be foster parents because of the coming and going...we realized it would be too hard. But, because the social workers and guardian ad litem all said it was 99% positive the TPR would go through on 3 children, we jumped at the chance for getting them. Now, after a year, we are back to the very beginning. The TPR went through, the mother appealed, the mother won her appeal, the county and GAL filed an appeal with the supreme court, the supreme court denied the appeal. So, we are back to square one.

I am very angry and bitter towards everyone in this case-the social workers, the judges, the GAL, the parents, the grandparents. Everyone except the kids of course.

I made a few reasonable requests to the county-no more face to face contact with BM, I will not miss work because of her visits or anything to do with this case, etc. Nothing too demanding or difficult. But, none of my requests are going to be met, I can see, and we cannot decide if we want to go through this for another year (or more) or just cut ties right now.

We desperately want to adopt these kids, but they are going to have severe emotional problems when they get to start seeing their BM again. Do we really want to handle that just to have them taken from us in the end?

Does anyone have a crystal ball to tell me how this is going to come out in the end and how long it is going to take to end?

Thanks for letting me vent.

[adnurse]

You are not required to do all the running and to do the face to face visitations yourself. This is the responsiblity of the managing agency. You should be receiving extra DOC points for botht hese things. I started getting gas vouchers from the county I worked with recently in MN after being told that my delivering the child saved the SW time and gad. not my concern to spend my money to save them. They were thinking I could buy the gas and take my PTO so they didn't need to bother. I started to just say no and they needed to make arrangements.