Advice for a first placement?

[TennTitan]

A warm hello to you all!

My girlfriend and I are awaiting our first match/placement. I've been re-reading material from our MAPP class as well as searching for material on the web.

I'm really nervous about that FIRST placement - the first phone call, the first child coming through the door, the first school/daycare enrollment and trying to imagine the other "firsts" that we need to prepare for.

Did any of you feel like it was all foreign - even though I have a mountain of information for what happens after the first few days. Any tips? Calming mantras?

[Fostererer]

Do whatever works for you! Stay calm (some excitement is OK depending on the child).

Make a checklist of what you want to do in the first few hours, day, week etc if that helps you feel more prepared.

We have a sign made from coloured cardboard on the foster kids' bedroom door that says "This is 's room" and they get to put their name in the blank spot to "claim" the room.

We have found that a photo of the members of our household with their names helps kids settle in. We even include the pets and their names.

[Texas Grandma]

Just be prepared for anything. Love that child like it is your own. Let your heart lead you, a child can never have too many hugs and kisses. Don't let "the system" kill that enthusiasm and excitement and anticipation you have for helping and nurturing a child.

[Fostererer]

mantras:

there's something loveable about every child

we are doing the best we can

advice:

keep asking for help from friends, here on this forum and through your local foster association until you feel that you are content with how your home is functioning.

tune in to the good stuff - what's going well, what are you enjoying about peranting the child(ren) and beware of friends who want to focus on the negative as fostering can be draining enough without them.

[swestmd]

I remember that same feeling. In fact, I was so nervous that I turned down my first placement offer (too busy, too young, not ready, etc). They called 2 weeks later for the same child and I HAD to accept then, the thought of a child going unwanted was too much to bear. 18 months later she's still here and about to turn 3 years old! I'm single and work full time - yes it was difficult getting my life rearranged. She arrived on a Friday and was in daycare on Monday! She has rocked and rolled with me every step of the way though...it never ceases to amaze me how flexible and resilient kids are so try not to worry too much. All they want to see is the same, secure, smiling faces every morning and they're set. Good luck.

[EmptyHomestead]

We took our first placement on December 15. Two boys - one 8 years old, the other 8 months old. We were scared out of our heads! The best advice I can give you is to keep yourself busy between The Call and their arrival. We cleaned, we shopped, we talked, etc.

I had wondered what it would feel like when they moved in. Would it feel like they were our own children? Would they feel like guests? Would they hate us? Would we bond? The second they were in the door, all the questions fell away. If you've passed all the classes, background checks, etc to be a foster parent, you should be able to handle the actual parenting part. Let your intuition guide you. Everything else will unfold as it should.

[TennTitan]

Thank you for the tips and reassurance! It sounds like with much everything else, the anticipation is probably making us more anxious than anything.

I loved the ideas for "claiming" the room. I've been trying to imagine myself in the child's position, and more often than not I keep coming back to wanting to know what is mine, where can I put my things, where is my 'hang out' spot... basically where/how do I fit in. We've been trying to focus on answering that.

I also really like the pictures idea, it would also help to answer 'who we are' and 'what we do'.

Our package was waiting for one final report which should be in Monday, we have three of the four signatures we need and then we are off!

[Texas Foster Mommy]

I remember my first placement, I am young (24), and DH is (23) and in March we will start year three. The anticipation is so high and you just wait by the phone...I hate to tell you but 2 years in and I still feel that way. We are one down, a child left a few weeks ago so now we are "playing the waiting game".
I am crafty but I also have to live on a tight budget, so to make a child feel welcomed to my home, I take a piece of foam, the 8 x10 sheets that come in tons of colors that are at wal-mart about .22 cents. I buy a sticker sheet, usually in the same area that the foamies are in. I have a rule that I never spend more than .99 cents on the sticker sheet. They have sets...for .99 cents like they have a race care one, princess, or I have even gone to the scrapbook area and chosen a character sheet, like Dora or Mickey Mouse one. I also keep on hand the multi color foam letters, I make the sheet color coordinate and put there name on it and I place one on the door and one over there bed.(they take them when they leave) I also have a nice size collection of sharpie markers (multi color) and I let them choose their color and we mark all of there stuff, clothes, toys etc with there color marker and there initials...(with socks on the toe we just put a nice size dot in there color so I know who's is who's.). Also, it has just been my experience with children in my area; they never come with a tooth brush or hair brush. (Usually you know the gender when they call you for the placement) I make the bed using gender specific colors...I put a on the bed a new toothbrush, tooth paste, and a new brush (different from anyone else’s in the house), and I put a journal (something cute usually about 1.00 at Dollar General) and a pen. This makes them feel like they have something. Some this else, (then I promise I will shut up) In the bathroom, I keep stackable plastic drawers for the children, I have three (since I have three slots available) I label them with the children’s names and I keep in them: tooth brush, tooth paste, hair brushes, 3 clean wash cloths (I have character wash cloths, I get them at the dollar tree they are called :magic towels, they are a dollar each and they hold up pretty good (I bleach once a week)I have a supply of them and I let the child pick there character. I have 3 of matching coordinating ones for each child. I know that FC#1 is Elmo, and FC # 2 Spiderman. When the leave I just put them back in the bin or if they are super attached to them, they can take them. These drawers also house special items like bubbles, or special soap they may like (I keep a community pool in the shower of shampoo and soap but some children like or need special stuff)
I have a lot of cheap, cute, fun ideas for foster parents J

[TennTitan]

The foam board/letters are a great idea too.

We have been stock piling art/craft projects as our first placement could be a four year old girl... an eight year old boy... anywhere in between. We were afraid to buy too many things before knowing who our first placement will be. We figure that art supplies are things that bypass the age/gender gap.

We have been trying to decorate the room neutral, then being able to add in accessories to the child's gender/character preference.

I love the idea of the little shelf bins for the bathroom - these are things that totally haven't occurred to me so I'm extremely grateful for the 'real life' tips before having to figure them out on my own!

The other thing we've been stock piling: shampoos, tooth brushes, soaps, anything to make hygiene fun.

Thank you for sharing your ideas - I'm taking in everything I possibly can!

[Texas Foster Mommy]

In the fun bath time section, they have bath tub crayons...they are nice...just make sure that they only use them on the tub and tile (if you have tile)..not on the walls surronding the tub (learned that one the hard way).

[hart]

We were placed on the list on the 2nd and have had a couple of phone calls, but no placement yet. I get so excited with the phone call and then when the placement doesn't happen, I start waiting again. The waiting is hard. Any advice?

[mrsmiller2007]

I remember my first placement, I am young (24), and DH is (23) and in March we will start year three. The anticipation is so high and you just wait by the phone...I hate to tell you but 2 years in and I still feel that way. We are one down, a child left a few weeks ago so now we are "playing the waiting game".
I am crafty but I also have to live on a tight budget, so to make a child feel welcomed to my home, I take a piece of foam, the 8 x10 sheets that come in tons of colors that are at wal-mart about .22 cents. I buy a sticker sheet, usually in the same area that the foamies are in. I have a rule that I never spend more than .99 cents on the sticker sheet. They have sets...for .99 cents like they have a race care one, princess, or I have even gone to the scrapbook area and chosen a character sheet, like Dora or Mickey Mouse one. I also keep on hand the multi color foam letters, I make the sheet color coordinate and put there name on it and I place one on the door and one over there bed.(they take them when they leave) I also have a nice size collection of sharpie markers (multi color) and I let them choose their color and we mark all of there stuff, clothes, toys etc with there color marker and there initials...(with socks on the toe we just put a nice size dot in there color so I know who's is who's.). Also, it has just been my experience with children in my area; they never come with a tooth brush or hair brush. (Usually you know the gender when they call you for the placement) I make the bed using gender specific colors...I put a on the bed a new toothbrush, tooth paste, and a new brush (different from anyone else’s in the house), and I put a journal (something cute usually about 1.00 at Dollar General) and a pen. This makes them feel like they have something. Some this else, (then I promise I will shut up) In the bathroom, I keep stackable plastic drawers for the children, I have three (since I have three slots available) I label them with the children’s names and I keep in them: tooth brush, tooth paste, hair brushes, 3 clean wash cloths (I have character wash cloths, I get them at the dollar tree they are called :magic towels, they are a dollar each and they hold up pretty good (I bleach once a week)I have a supply of them and I let the child pick there character. I have 3 of matching coordinating ones for each child. I know that FC#1 is Elmo, and FC # 2 Spiderman. When the leave I just put them back in the bin or if they are super attached to them, they can take them. These drawers also house special items like bubbles, or special soap they may like (I keep a community pool in the shower of shampoo and soap but some children like or need special stuff)
I have a lot of cheap, cute, fun ideas for foster parents J



You have so many wonderful ideas....Please keep them coming. We'll finish our classes next month and I'm trying to get everything prepared.

[MysteriousWays]

oh what a great idea! Nice!

[TennTitan]

I was just replying in another post that we have been thinking we are "almost there" for months now. I can't even imagine knowing that you are on the waiting list and still... well... waiting. I'm just thinking that when things are hectic or busy, I'll look back and wish we had used this time for sleeping in, doing frivolous things... but that's sometimes hard to focus on!

[JustinTime]

Hi,

I am also awaiting my first placement. I've been nervous mainly because I chose such a wide age range from infant to 6 years old that I wasn't sure what to do to prepare myself. My first call was for a newborn boy that needed to leave the hospital that day. I had not purchased a bassinet or any other kind of bed since the size/type would vary depending on the age range and being cash poor at the time was a factor. After being forced to pass on that one I told myself I would be prepared the next time. I went out and purchased a bassinet, car seat, some odds and ends to get me through the first night such as bottles, nipples, diapers, etc..

My 2nd call was for the placement of a 4 and a 6 year old. At this point I've already made a sizeable investment for an infant plus two children is more than I can handle as a single person with two dogs. Also thinking they would have to be dropped off in two different places for daycare/school. So I passed and told them I am only accepting infants right now. So now that've made that decision I've been preparing myself mentally be reading a book called What to Expect the first 12 months. I am also preparing the dogs for the transition. The book suggests carrying around a doll baby and making them stay at a safe distance. I also advise that you do use this time to enjoy your freedom as your life will change after accepting the child. Go out with your friends, enjoy your ME time, and just in general treat yourself.

[TennTitan]

We did the same thing with the wide age range (maybe not SO wide - ours is 4-8, either boy or girl). It seemed like a small age gap at the time, but then when it came down to actually buying toys and a few clothes to have on hand, we realized how different a 4 year old girl and 8 year old boy would be. We've been mostly stock piling art supplies, they seem most universal. The wait is near excruciating, I'll think "okay, I need to relax, give it time... it could very well be as long as next Friday before we hear from them."

Two months later "next Friday" seems like an eternity ago.

PS - Our licensing specialist is absolutely fantastic - at least that part is a positive!

[IrishGirl]

Hi Texas Foster Mommy,

Those were some great ideas. I have some questions that I was hoping you could answer. I keep getting pressue to consider taking more than one kid because kids "come in groups." I also said that I was not 100% that I would adopt the child. I got resistance because I said this. I want to make sure I am good at this before I adopt; I am single and am worried that this may be very hard or that I might not be good at it. Do you have any ideas of what to say to the case workers?

[hart]

Yeah, our age range seemed small until we started preparing too. We were listed for birth to 3. There is definately a big difference between preparing for a newborn and preparing for a 3 year old. My best advice for this is don't take the labels off and that way what you don't use you can return.

[CiboloTxFosterMom]

We were placed on the list on the 2nd and have had a couple of phone calls, but no placement yet. I get so excited with the phone call and then when the placement doesn't happen, I start waiting again. The waiting is hard. Any advice?

Your comment could've been written by me! We have been licensed since March 24th and still don't have a child! I did not think there would be such a long wait! We've also had 2 calls, but no placements. I know I need to be patient, but I'm not feeling patient. I'm feeling angry, sad, annoyed, impatient, disappointed, frustrated and kind of forgotten about! Every time my phone rings, I get excited and hopeful and then I feel disappointed that it's not the agency. I know I need to let it go and just let it happen in its own time, but it's difficult. I'm glad I found this forum so I could vent and maybe reduce these feelings by letting them out. Thanks for all of your helpful posts everybody! And thanks for reading mine!

[hart]

It's funny and interesting that now my husband and I are on the other side of the waiting game. We have two children in our home now and we are almost certain that they will be returned home after their 90 day voluntary placement is over. It's hard to stay engaged and attached to a child when you think that they will soon be removed from your life.

Just a comment not really a question. We love them regardless, it's just hard.

[Pink*Babies]

I've been a fosterparent for 30+ years and just take newborns. Every placement is exciting and each new baby is a new adventure. It never becomes routine and I hope it never does. Once I got my first baby, I have had few days without one. I am on my 120th baby and I can tell you something about each one of them. It's the hardest and best "job" in the world!

[TennTitan]

Having our child with us for a week now, I'm going to say that everything I've read on here has been helpful. The hardest thing to hear is "take this time to relax", but... well... that's the one thing I wish I had done more of!

We have a five year old who is WONDERFUL - but darn if she doesn't wake up every two hours like a newborn! We had purchased a lot of things to do with her, crafts, projects, etc... but I can see now that she's getting more comfortable and starting to get adjusted, we don't have nearly enough "alone time" toys.