Please....need any advice

[mom2many]

Hi

We have had our fc for 2 years..since she was 3 months old.......bm is the type of person that takes one step forward and then takes 2 steps back, in her case. After 22 months a new casemanager came into the picture. Last week our fd went home to bm. Bm drives this child on a suspended license is still unstable and I am trying to prove to DCS that bm has someone living with her......I know this bm like the back of my hand now and I know how she is (very manipulative and a liar). Anyways......so before fc went home, home based and cm kept asking us to talk to bm to make sure we can still see fc so we did of course. Bm said yes she wants that. So 2 days after fc went home we called to check on her, bm wouldn't let us talk to her. Finally after the 2 days of calling bm, she let us talk to her. When we dropped her off for the last time we also asked if in 2 weeks we could have fc for a few hours on a particular day, everyone said of course...NOW casemanager and bm are saying that we are "stalking" birthmom all because we kept calling until we could get to talk to our fc and now cm is saying that hb (which is new too by the way) says we need to wait about a month or more before we see fc because she isn't bonded to bm yet.
So I have called grandma (bd's mom) (bd is in jail for the murder of bm's first baby.) to find out how fc is doing since no one will let us know anything. Grandma says she is very concerned, bm has already in the first couple of days taken fc to the ER and she is not dressing her appropriately for the weather and is just beign very neglectful. Grandma has expressed these concerns to the cm but cm thinks bm is doing great.
Grandma also told me that cm told bm that WE might be trying to stalk bm to catch her driving...............for one we have never said that, yes we have thought about it because we know how this bm is, but right does a cm have telling bm something like this?!?!?
I feel like something awful is going to end up happening if we don't try and help our baby.
Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!!

[FosterMom78]

That sounds like a VERY sticky situation. I feel for you because I know that you are only trying to protect the child and they aren't letting you. It's very hard when a fc goes back. You do need to give the child time to bond with their bm because it is hard for them especially when they have been with you for such a long period of time in their short lives. Unfortunately you have to "trust" in the states decision after all they are the ones who saw problems in the begining and took the child away. You have to hope they will do the same again if they continue to see problems. It is soooooo hard to just sit back when you know all the little things that go on in the background but unfortunately sometimes thats all we can do. I would advise maybe talking to the CM's supervisor and going above them if necessary if you feel your concerns are not being checked out etc... If you still feel strongly that the child is in danger you may want to seek some legal advice as well and see if maybe a lawyer can lobby on your behalf! Good Luck! I will say some prayers!!! :)

[ThePowerMan]

I will say some prayers!!! :)

This works the best. I can assure you that God has some sort of plan......you just have to go with his Will. Pray about it.

It is so hard not to want each of these kids to have better lives than we had. That's just a "good" parents desire for their children. But we still have to remember that they all can't turn out live we invision them. You just have to pray that some seed is planted in their life and one day they will realize that there is a better way.

Pray for the parents, too. Sometimes we forget that part. We get so involved with the kids and forget that we need to try to save the parents, too. Everyone can change. Sometimes they need alittle help, too.

[CAFostermom]

I agree that this is a VERY unfortunate situation. CPS is sooo strapped for resources that they may not intervene until it's too late - there are too many stories on the news about these occurrences. It is a balancing act between letting the BM have a chance to try and make things right vs. severing that relationship and getting the FC into a suitable/stable home away from the birth parent.

As a foster parent, you do have the right to advocate for this child, even if she is not in your care. Presumably, the mother met her case plan and someone is SUPPOSED to monitor her compliance. I would recommend that you document in writing all that you can, regarding the interactions you have with the BM, Gma, caseworkers, etc. For example, you've been asked to maintain contact with the BC to facilitate the transition (document that....maybe it's an email, etc.) Then, as you try to contact her (whether by phone, in-person visit), document that and include the reactions of the BM, etc. Maintain a log. If you see any pattern that causes you some concern, relay this information to the caseworker. If you see something that causes you immediate concern (e.g. the child may be in danger of death/injury, or you know that there is evidence of abuse/neglect) you can make an anonymous report to your local Child Abuse Hotline or contact the police.

Does the child have an attorney or CASA representative? That would be another person you can relay the documented information to, and they are supposed to advocate for the CHILD, not the birth parent.

I wish this FD the best of luck.

[stayathomemom]

your family is in my prayers <3

[beachbound]

Everything happens for a reason, sometimes we can't explain them...but they are all for a higher purpose. :)