impact of foster parenting on birth children

[marybeth]

I have 2 birth children, a 3 year old and 10 month old. I am very committed to being a foster parent, though I know this is probably a difficult time for our 3 year old to face sharing attention, having just recently lost only child status to her sister. Am I right?

Also, We are recovering from an abrupt disruption due to our foster daughter running away - our longest placement, which lasted only 3 months. We all became very attached to each other, and it was a difficult adjustment for our 3 year old. Is she too young to face these transitions? If we talk it out, and emphasize the positives, can it still be a good experience for her?

Also, what about the concept of fostering only in birth order (i.e. fostering children younger than your birth children only)? How valid/important is this?

I really want to make a difference in other childrens' lives, but want to make sure my own family is solid first.

[kelly5890]

We are getting ready to become foster parents also, and I would love to know how other foster parents feel about your questions, I also have a two year old daughter and I am concerned how this will affect her, but we really want to do this and help other children. We actually got custody of her through the kinship program and have recently adopted her. We also have a 14 year old son still at home. We are about a week from being verified to be a foster home and I am very excited. If anyone has any advise on this I would greatly appreciate it. Looking foward to many years of foster parenting, and maybe I can help someone out someday..

[BabyJ'sMom]

Hi there~
I can tell you from experience that it's very sort of tricky with your bio children and the foster children to find the right balance. We always said we'd only take kids younger than ours, and certainly no violent children as we couldn't put our children in any jeopardy.

There will be some jealousy...I don't think it can be helped, really, it's human nature with kids. My daughter especially knew that she had so many advantages given to her throughout her life, yet she still couldn't help feeling pangs of jealousy when dad brouught something special home for our foster daughter. And she was 9 years younger than our daughter!

It does help to talk to your kids, age appropriately...and be honest with them about the type of situation the foster kids are coming from...it helps them understand and WANT to help these kids in the same way you and your spouse want to help.

it's not easy being a parent, so you can't expect it to be easy being a foster parent as well! But it is so worth it...! Imagine, being able to help change the course of someone's life! Good luck to you all!

[cmdoppler]

I have wondered this also. I have 3 children and they are all pretty young, almost 5, 3 1/2, and 18 months.
I have done in home daycare and watched a sibling group from the time the oldest was 2 and the baby was 2 months, to 4 1/2 and 9 months. My daughter was the same age as the girl, and when we moved away and said goodbye it was hard on my older 2. (And me:().

But I have tried to instill good values and understanding into my children. We have always donated toys "to kids who don't have toys" and I would like to explain it to them that we would be taking care of a baby who did not have a mommy or daddy who could take care of him/her.
I think since I have also done daycare it might work to explain it that way.

I do definately want to take children younger than our youngest. First, babies are my passion and second since my kids are so close in age I think that would be the easiest on the family dynamics.