Foster Parents Need help !!

[sjcea]

Please everyone we need your help, we have been fostering 3 beautiful boys ages 1 , 2 1/2 and 4 years old for 13 months. We love these boys with all of our hearts and had hopes of adopting them. Recently we were hit with FALSE allegations from the drug addicted birth mother of child abuse . And they removed the children from our care. I ask if all of you can please take the time and sign my petition to help bring them home, we are heart broken. here is the link to my petition

http://www.gopetition.com/online/16629.html

Thank You everyone

Steve & Lisa

[Robomom]

HI, Steve and Lisa.
What a devastating thing to have happen to you. Rest assured, DSS is probably well aware of the BM'as addictions. Addictive people are usually in denial: they don't have the problem, you do. That makes them really difficult to work with.
That said, I wanted to caution you about your petition. You didn't say whether or not the investigation was over, but it sounds like the agency hasn't reached a conclusion yet.
I don't know where you live, but in most localities there is a clear pattern of response to allegations that doesn't necessarily mean they think you are guilty. I noticed the allegation stemmed from a bruise. That's way better than SA, and easier to defend against.
But if the allegation is one of concern for the safety of the kids, the children will USUALLY be removed during the investigation. It is probably NOT personal.
A difficulty MAY arise if the investigating worker PERCEIVES that you are angry or belligerant. That person has a WIDE net of authority and can--at her or his discretion--remove kids, even bios.
SO, it becomes really important to cooperate with the investigation. Keep communications open with your caseworker and your foster parent support group ( If you don't belong to one, start NOW)
Don't assume you're going to be fed to the lions, but if it starts to go south on you, you do have the right to get a lawyer. ( But make it someone who understands these kinds of cases or they could end upo doing more damage.)
UNTIL THEN, though, try the cooperation route. Because there is a protocol that the agencies must follow with these investigations, I doubt your petition will acomplish what you want it to. DSS has to go by its usually state-driven procedures. There is virtually no power in a show of support from other foster parents.
My advice would be to wait it out. Document all calls or visits you have with the investigators. Be profesional in your responses to them, even though I know you can't help but be in emotional turmoil. This is NOT the time to call them dumb-butts.
Your little guys had already experienced the trauma of being removed from one home when you got them. I'll bet they're scared and confused now. The best thing you can do to be pro-active right now is to see if you can set up visits with them for yourselves ( even though they will be supervised) or at least get someone to give them a stuffed animal from you or some other reminder of your affection and security.
And stay positive. Most of us survive these things...we did. ;)

good luck.
By the way, this is the subject of my workshop at the national foster parents conference. Lots of us go through this: If you've been fostering for a year, your chances of having allegations made against you are something like one in eight...if you've been at it five years, they're one in two. You're not alone, guys.

www.beyonderqueen.net (http://www.beyonderqueen.net)

[usnsjf]

Great advice Robomom. They covered that topic as part of our training and did say it happens all too often. I can't begin to imagine how distraught you two must be. Let the process run it's course and I'm sure all will work out. My thoughts and prayers are with you both!

[dwoolbright]

Foster parents live on a roller coaster of emotion. A good foster parent can not help but get emotionally involved with the children. It is much easier for me to avoid strong emotions when somone does something to hurt me but I have difficulty when this results in hurting my children. How can any normal person not be hurt and angry when a false allegation is made? It is usually the children who suffer the most. The children finally realize security and love in a loving foster home and then they are abruptly removed from this home with little or no explaination. Suddenly all of the people who worked so hard with the foster family have nothing to do with the family. After the investigation concludes people still have doubts as to the guilt or inocence of the foster family. No one wants to get involved or offer support because they fear the repricussions of DSS. Why can't there be an area of DSS that has a job of offering support during this time? What else can we do to support these foster parents? How can foster parents vent without fear of loosing their foster children forever? It is human nature to be angry when you have been hurt. Why do we have to be less than human?

[busybuds]

We have three children in our care, and one adopted child (we have had since birth). We just found out that if there was any allegations they would come and take ALL CHILDREN including my 8 year old son. I just can't see my son being put into care and what it would do to him. It really hurts and I'm very confused. Our latest child was just pulled out of another home because of allegations she has made about a older child in the home. It was at this time that we found out that if a child makes any allegations all children are taken??? I can't understand, some of these children in care have been thru a lot and false allegations can come up. I'm afraid for my child! We have contacted our social worker to find another home for the child we just received a couple of weeks ago. I feel so bad, I know that we can make a different in this child's life and she seems to like it here. It just isn't fair. I can see them pull the children in care out because they are responsible for the children they put in our care, but to take my son away without any investigating is so not right. Where are the rights for the foster parent? My husband and I are thinking after this placement with our other two foster children which we had for about a year we may give up fostering.

[FosterMom78]

I saw on your petition board that the children are back home with you!!! I am soo happy for you and for them.:) I wish you all well and that you are able to put this terrible mess behind you.