What's right and what's wrong?

[Tamera Luckadoo]

My question is...Is it legal for a foster parent to be living with their boyfriend? Is it legal for this man to consume alcohol and get drunk in the presence of the foster children? Is it legal for the foster parent to grab a foster child in the face? I wouldn't think so. But please enlighten me.

[dseger]

First, I'm not an expert, just a longtime foster parent.

In most cases having a non-married partner in the home is OK as long as they pass all the background checks, certifications, and they were part of the home's licensing process. You cannot typically have a person that the agency doesn't know about living in the home.

For alcohol, again that depends upon the rules of the licensing agency. Being drunk around foster kids is very poor judgement by the adults and you should report that to the agency.

Any abuse like what you claim "grab a foster child in the face", is again very poor judgement and likely traumatizing to the child. Like before, if you have real concerns about the foster parent or others in the foster home, you should contact the licensing agency and report what you know. It's best to submit a written statement from you so that it's not just word of mouth.

A good foster parent is aware that they will likely have an allegation and investigation done against them at some point. This is OK and it's what keeps the system working and the foster care quality high.

Too often though, angry parents who have had their children placed into care, will make exaggerated claims of abuse by the foster family. I bet that 9 of 10 of these claims are false. I guess it's only natual for a parent to fight back with whatever tools they can find when a child is removed from the home. I've seen this happen to our foster home and many others.

I hope that you find this helpful.
Dennis

[jmoser]

Speaking from experience when my niece was in foster care. The foster care agency ignored the three year old's claim that she was being made to "sleep upside down with the man that hunts gopher's." There were 10 other children in the home, including my other 2 nephews. The six year old was traumatized with all the spankings he was receiving and the infant was always dirty and had numerous ear infections. Fortunately my sister's children were returned after the father of the youngest child was sentenced for breaking the 6 week old infant's leg. He spent 30 days in jail, yes it sickens me but that's what happens when creeps plea bargain.

My sister was told if she made any complaints or attempted to "put the foster care home out of business" she would never see her kids again. We had to wait 6 months watching the oldest appearing very scared and the youngest was even hospitalized with severe breathing problems. My sister was never charged, however the state wouldn't return the children to she completed parenting classes because she was responsible for not protecting the child from his father. Keep in mind he has 4 daughters with another woman and none of them have ever been hurt. He has has brain damage from a car accident and gets many seizures. I hate the guy though, no one can harm their child and not truly know what happen. He had a fracture in each hand and his leg was broken in 2 places.

Its not right, but if you complain it could certainly cause some issues. I would recommend consulting an attorney. The foster home was investigated previously we discovered after they were release, the claims were dismissed. However, now the county is looking into investigating them because they were served with papers by my sister's new attorney. He is taking the case pro-bono in Minnesota.

That's mainly the reason why I want to go into foster parenting. I feel there are some homes that open to make money (receive reimbursement and collect cash). I know I could provide a safe home, my kids are my prime example. I'm not looking to make money, I just want to protect kids and give them the life that I didn't have growing up. I came from a bad home, but foster care and 1 good family out of 4 I am greatful to have received.