Violent behavior

[CAFostermom]

Does anyone have any tips for dealing with a foster child's violent behavior? One of the foster kids we have has violent tendencies. He is 9 and he threatens people, hurts his siblings (kicks, punches, scratches, etc). He has threatened and tried to hurt the kids at school due to his hypervigilant behavior. He comes from a violent past, and I think he has PTSD. We've tried redirecting, timeouts, taking away privileges, having him go to his room to calm down while squeezing a stress ball. All to no avail. When he gets into trouble and we have to discipline him, he can't understand why he's in trouble and blames a victim for the problem (e.g., "he made me do it" or "she deserves it"). We are at our wits end and cope day to day with prayer and emotional support from our friends and family. We feel like we are not getting support from social services and the private agency. We feel like we were mislead about this child and that social services wasn't telling us everything they knew about him (In my state, when you go to foster a child, we are not allowed to see their entire record...it's called a "limited disclosure" - I don't know if it is that way in every state). Everytime we bring this to them, we feel like they don't want to hear about it. We are afraid that this child will truly hurt someone.

We truly appreciate any advice anyone has. Blessings.

[grannychris]

Just as soon as you can, contact mental health department-childrens
dept. If your foster child has medi-cal then you have no worries about the cost or copays or charges for medication. Its strange that social services have not directed you there. They usually have an intake 800 number, someone takes specific info down and they get back to you quickly. When we had a similiar situation, they helped right away. An
evaluation will be done. They will want all pertinent infomation including information or permission to speak to others like the teacher etc.
Look in your local phone book under county listings...you may find an
800 number open 24/7. Call it, that way they can get your referal it started. You need help now for this child. Don't wait. Good luck.

[AllTangled]

Yes! I would get some evaluations done maybe of some sort! Have you tried talking to him/her about anything. Does he open up to you??

[CAFostermom]

Thanks for all the advice offered. We went to our agency and told them we wanted him removed. They asked us to hold off on the decision until they had time to have him tested by a bevy of specialists. He's seen many doctors and counselors and they are all coming back with the same recommendations. Looks like he will need to be placed on meds to stablize the behavior - the court will have to consent for that treatment. The behaviors have not improved. He threatens to kill people, he hurts people...we just didn't feel like we are the right family for this child so we asked to have him removed. They will also remove his sister because they are a package - if we were not willing to adopt both, then they will both be removed. Supposedly the kids will be leaving soon. It's sad - I do empathize with their situation. They are young and did not asked to be neglected/abused and remove from their mom's home. They still don't quite process what has happened in their young life. Though I pray for both kids, I pray especially for the little girl (the one who is the object of her sibling's violence) that she will not continue to be hurt when they move out of our home.