Help me please!

[paeju2]

I'll try to make this short. I had a child re unify after being with us from birth to 11 mo. SW keeps telling me she does NOT want me to see him under any circumstance. She says it is detrimental for him and that I need to grief. This situation is killing me. I keep thinking about how he is feeling and I think this is just wrong! I am not asking to parent or have him for long periods, I just want to see him for 30 minutes, play with him and let him know we did not just abandon him.
I have been trying to talk to her supervisor and the manager, guess what? No luck! No one respond my calls, And now I just had lunch with a mentor that told me I should quit trying because they will put that in my file and that will not be good because it might compromise future placements.
I feel horrific, How is this? Don't we have ANYONE to speak for us? We just have top swallow everything a SW decides? The babies parents are ok with us visiting, they even asked us to be his godparents...I have two little girls at home that are dying to see him and keep asking when? I feel like I am being treated like a criminal..this is sooooo unfair! Please help me.

[Mama Joyce]

Your message scares me as I am afraid this is going to happen to us soon with our foster girls. Please keep us posted with an out come.
Mama Joyce

[reba]

hi
i don't know what state your in, but i have always had contact with my kids that go home. even when they are babies. if the parents are good with you and care about there babies well being it the best thing for the baby. that makes me so mad!!!! the worker is asking you to assist in the chain of attachment disorder,when you want to have a healthy transition for the baby. have you talked to a superviser? the babies parents should have this freedom!
a healthy transition is very imporntant for a succesful reunification.
so sorry

[fosterdad]

Sounds like a horrible SW? Did you think of asking a judge for court mandated visitation? Also, if the parents agree and you agree, why even ask the SW? You are all adults that can decide for yourselves.

[peggyb101]

The only thing I can say is that I have always had contact with the kids who go home and that I never even considered asking the SW after I no longer had to answer to them for anything. BUT, I would say now that you have tried to go through CPS you may have called too much attention to yourself and no matter what they tell you I am sure that it will compromise your future placements. I have heard SW's say, "just see if she gets another placement" and then watched it happen one too many times. The system is crappy to us, I think all of on here are trying to figure out how to find the answer to changing things so we as foster parents get some sort of rights when it comes to these kids. When someone solves the riddle let me know because I am in! That being said I hope you are able to have some sort of contact, be careful and good luck!

[Nanna]

I'll try to make this short. I had a child re unify after being with us from birth to 11 mo. SW keeps telling me she does NOT want me to see him under any circumstance. She says it is detrimental for him and that I need to grief. This situation is killing me. I keep thinking about how he is feeling and I think this is just wrong! I am not asking to parent or have him for long periods, I just want to see him for 30 minutes, play with him and let him know we did not just abandon him.
I have been trying to talk to her supervisor and the manager, guess what? No luck! No one respond my calls, And now I just had lunch with a mentor that told me I should quit trying because they will put that in my file and that will not be good because it might compromise future placements.
I feel horrific, How is this? Don't we have ANYONE to speak for us? We just have top swallow everything a SW decides? The babies parents are ok with us visiting, they even asked us to be his godparents...I have two little girls at home that are dying to see him and keep asking when? I feel like I am being treated like a criminal..this is sooooo unfair! Please help me.
I don't understand why the SW is making such a big deal. I agree with you, it is a healthy transition for the child to gradually move with the birth family. You stated that you had the baby from birth. The baby only knows you and your family. The baby probably is scared and wondering why you left him. Majority of SW don't have children themselves and don't physical know the emotional bond that a mother and child have. You is the mother! because you have had the baby since birth. I will keep you and the baby in my prayers and pray that all goes well. I only work with older children but, when they leave they still call or write. They tell me that when they have children that I will be their babysitters. Sometimes, we as Foster Parents are treated like baby sitters instead of FP. SW need to appreciate having caring FP that want to stay in contact with the child after leaving. That should show them that it is not just about the money but about the well being of the child. Hopefully, she will change her mind. Please don't get on her bad side because she may hinder you from future placements. However, you are already license go to a private agency and be a Foster Parent if you think she may not give you future placements!

[Foster Mom]

One thing the Social workers who make these decisions dont tell us is that WE CAN CHALLENGE THE COUNTY COURTS DECISION, they will not tell us how to do that but i assume start with your foster parent association in your area and they will give you directions on it. When its in the best interest of the kids challenging is the route go go especially if they are not doing to well, compared to where they are before.
FP need to keep in contact with these kids or else they will once again fae abandonement issues thinking you dont care, because this affects them too.

[CAFostermom]

Does the child have someone else helping to objectively determine the "best" interests. In Calif., foster kids have an attorney that has been appointed for them. In addition, the kids can have a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) that may be able to assist with providing opinions as well. If this child had access to either of these parties, you might be able to network with them for advice.

I do believe SWs do play by their own rules. We had an issue where we asked for one FC to be removed (FC was exceptionally violent) and we offered to adopt the sibling. SW said they were a package deal and said we adopt both or none at all. Suffice to say, when the FCs were placed in another home we were told (by SW and the adoption agency) not to appeal the decision. Apparently we would be seen as "troublemakers" and it could impact the ability to receive future FC placement opportunities. I have heard that unofficially, the birth parents have more rights than the foster parents. This is unfortunate.

I am sorry to hear that this happened. Hopefully the SW didn't decide to simply take the baby away from you and leave it with the birth parent without some type of transition.

[TJ1]

I'll try to make this short. I had a child re unify after being with us from birth to 11 mo. SW keeps telling me she does NOT want me to see him under any circumstance. She says it is detrimental for him and that I need to grief. This situation is killing me. I keep thinking about how he is feeling and I think this is just wrong! I am not asking to parent or have him for long periods, I just want to see him for 30 minutes, play with him and let him know we did not just abandon him.
I have been trying to talk to her supervisor and the manager, guess what? No luck! No one respond my calls, And now I just had lunch with a mentor that told me I should quit trying because they will put that in my file and that will not be good because it might compromise future placements.
I feel horrific, How is this? Don't we have ANYONE to speak for us? We just have top swallow everything a SW decides? The babies parents are ok with us visiting, they even asked us to be his godparents...I have two little girls at home that are dying to see him and keep asking when? I feel like I am being treated like a criminal..this is sooooo unfair! Please help me.

I am really sorry, it can be very hard to adjust to loosing a member of your family. Do please be careful. Foster Parents do not have many rights, and the Social Workers and DLR hold all of the cards. I learned the hard way and I made waves and next thing I know I am in trouble and there is nothing I can do... Advocates have worked with us and they state won't even talk to them... So many foster parents are taking a step back and turning in their foster licenses, because it has gotten so bad. So Please be Careful.