Does this sound fair?

[Heuy]

WE have had our foster child since he was 20 days old and now he is 20 months old. The childs mother decided to let us adopt him and the father had no contact up until 3 months ago. He was finally forced to do paternity when the child was 11 months old, he had avoided it til then. Now the father who has been in jail and in drug court now decided he wanted the child when the child was 18 months old. Does this sound right, should the father still have rights after all this time and not wanting him til now? The child is going to be placed with the father very soon adn it has been hard on my family as we have had him so long. The child was a very sick child up until recently the child has become stable. I have spent many a nights int he hospital with this child and have had the child since the child was 20 days old. I feel I should have more rights as the foster parent then the bio father. Taking him out of our home will be very tramatic for the child and many others, we are the only family he knows. What do you think?

[FosterMom78]

Ugh... that is very heart wrenching... It seems to happen all the time though and I myself have been through it. I can tell you this though we now have the child back again! :) Sometimes the birth parents think they are ready to take these children back and they have no idea what they are in for. You can only hope and pray that the birth father will keep the child safe and healthy. If you can try to have some type of relationship with the birth father it might help. Let him know that you are willing to answer questions, keep in contact etc.. This way you can make sure that the child is receiving the proper care and love. Tell him since he is a single parent you know it might be hard and you are willing to babysit etc if he would be interested... this might help ease the transition as well? I do agree with you that we should have more rights in cases like these but unfortunatley we dont. Hopefully there will be people looking out for the child and if something goes wrong they will make it back to you! :) I will say some prayers through your hard time.. Best of luck!! and know that you did a wonderful thing!!

[Heuy]

I know ti will be very hard and sometimes the system isn't fair. I do have a good relationship with the parent so I hope to be able to see the child and be somewhat in their life. It is just so very hard. I have two other children whom I have adopted through foster care and went through some hardships with them as well, but it all turned out in the end for us. I am still praying and will continue to pray. Thanks for your support and prayers!

[Nanna]

Wow, my heart really goes out to you. It's good that you have a relationship with the father. Hang in there and believe that he will still allow you to have contact with the child. However, he may need to establish that relationship with the child and give her chance to adjust to him and his family before dragging her back and forth between you two, which could be more damaging and confusing for her. God Bless you and I pray things work out for the best interest of the child.

[thawes]

Things dont always go the way we think they should and unfortunarely sometimes things just have to "play out" No its not fair and its very sad- if you're child has a casa i would defiantely be contacting her or him- what is in the best interest of the child- is what should be looked at! best of luck!

[psadoptivedad]

Unfortunately, it sounds like this is happening all over. Children being taken from the homes they love because of a myth that biology is more important. It sounds like the best interest of the child would be to leave the child with you. It becomes more clear every day that the systems are not set up to care about the children.

[thawes]

I will tell you that as a foster parent for 19 years I am going back to school to do social work- exactly for this reason- too many times there are really bad decisions made- now of course there are some fantastic workers out there as well- we have had both- and I know its time to stand up and make a difference. You can file a complaint on the dshs website under file a complaint and let them know what is going on- you should be able also to have your say in court- even with a letter if you dont want to physically be there- i sure hope things work out the way they should- take care

[Nanna]

Social workers have rules they have to follow too. There is only so much they can do. I have seen so many different social workers due to so many quitting and going into another line of work. It is not all people think it is. They are overwork and underpaid. There case long is overburden and they stay on call dealing with crisis all during the night. I have several friends and close family that does or have done that line of work. It is hard on the children when they have to get new social workers. However, go for it. God Bless you.